Day 4: The First Seduction

Poem

The First Seduction

I ran first in daylight,

explored roads and trails

with open eyes:

roads and trees,

cars and houses,

dusty, scuffed shoes;

gangly limbs cut through

an outlined, oil-painted world

under a solar spotlight.

But running seduces at night,

under pinpoint stars and

moon’s reflective glow;

when strides push

through pools of lamplight

and waves of dark.

In the chiaroscuro,

soft shapes float

where day’s rise stark;

the air gently washes

over light sweat,

eases across skin;

sounds splash into the quiet,

steps and breaths and crickets

barely ripple the surface;

and the silence rises,

pulls a meandering mind

back inside its depths.

 

Commentary

When I started running, I liked it.  But when I started running after dark, I fell in love with it.  The times I let myself go and felt the most in tune with my universe were ill-advised, late-night runs on which I lost track of time and even where I was, ignoring my lostness and just continuing till I felt ready to find my way back.  I started with that concept today, and felt my way through the writing until I found my way into a poem.

My introduction to the concept of chiaroscuro came through an opportunity to present the work of famous artists to my sons' elementary school classes.  Building visual effect into poetry presents a challenge, and that challenge drove my approach to this poem.  I sought in particular to build a contrast between the bright lights of daytime and the darker, more nuanced feel of night.

A choice that sent me back and forth in this poem was whether to accentuate the contrast by shifting verb tense.  I did so, seeking to create an immersion effect at night as opposed to the more detached feeling of daytime running.  When I come back to revise, that may or may not change. 

Finally, I focused in the nighttime stanzas on word choices with softer consonants and longer vowels to accompany the more fluid feel and seductive qualities of night.